See No Evil (2006)

See No Evil (Gregory Dark, 2006)

WWE, that entertainment company that produces melodramas starred by massive, steroid-dependent men and silicone-breasted women on television, have now invaded the silver screen. See No Evil is their first foray in film producing and much like their television shows, it's a whole lot of crap. Its intentions are clear: way before all their muscled wrestlers die from heart failure or exploded blood vessels, they better take in whatever value they can from their stable of established names, which in this instance is Kane.

Kane plays the slasher in this sorry slasher film. He collects eyeballs as a living and has taken an abandoned hotel as his abode and stage for his ruthless murders. His prospective victims are eight criminal teens who are serving a portion of their sentence by cleaning and restoring the abandoned hotel so that the homeless may have somewhere to live in. Like any other slasher film, the teens, including their two adult guardians, are killed one by one until of course, we unravel the true mystery behind the murderous villain, signaling that it is the time for the villain's demise.

See No Evil is formulaic trash, filmed in such a way that only those fortunate enough to have puffed a roll of marijuana can enjoy it for what its worth. The camera swooshes, swishes, flies, falls, zooms in, zooms out, and is jiggled for no particular reason. The sets, the props, the costumes look like they were borrowed from a porn production, which could be the case heresince the director is more fluent in porno-filmmaking rather than horror. The acting is grating. The borrowed soundtrack and the accompanying music doesn't add much to the film's already unfortunate standing. The editing is haphazardly done, incorporating shocks for absolutely no effect. It's understandable that director Gregory Dark is burdened with the expectation of making something that can be considered brainless entertainment while still delivering the requirements and stereotypes of modern Hollywood horror filmmaking (a plot twist, at least five shocks, a bit of blood, etc.). However, what I can't understand is why Dark has to wrap his film with hideous gimmickry, stupid storytelling and half-a-film's worth of footages of bugs, cockroaches, and rats crawling. I sure wouldn't have paid good money to view what I can view hidden in any dark, damp space.

But of course, WWE fans wouldn't watch this film for the story, or the horror. It's all about Kane. Sadly, Kane makes for such an unmemorable villain. He blandly puffs and dumbly grunts when mad, which is the only emotion the script delegated to the character. He breaks into walls and elevator doors with the brute force of a rabid rhinoceros. He even wears creepy colored contact lens to give him that unnatural look. Despite all that manufactured meanness, Kane remains visibly tame. There's not much of a scare here, just a day's worth of headaches caused by all that bad filmmaking.